On to better things.

Things eventually settled down again. I wasn’t exactly surprise the ex had given us such issues. I would love to say it was the last time, but I’d be lying. There were more and each more blatant and stupider then the last.
The best thing about a new relationship is all the firsts you get to share with each other. This was the most comical parts of our relationship. I was 17 years old and it wasn’t like we hadn’t kissed before. But that first kiss was the hardest thing for us. I’d been in serious relationships before and so had he. The one before the ex, had just run its course. There was no drama or hard feelings. Well at least I can hope that is the case. With the ex it was a disaster. A simple kiss shouldn’t have been that big of a deal. We had been dating to months before either one of us had attempted to kiss the other. Part of my hesitation was because at that point I was so much more experience with the more physical aspects of relationships. And I knew it was a very slippery slope once you start down that path. I didn’t want to take those first from him in the matter most of my first were taken from me. Part of me wanted to protect him the way I wish some one had protected me. I wanted to share these first with him when the time was right and he was ready. I never wanted him to fell pushed or pressured the way I had in the pass. It’s not to say he wasn’t a nearly grown man and couldn’t make these decisions for himself. I just didn’t want him to have the bad memories I had. There was at least two attempted that I can honestly recall before we actually managed that first kiss. X-mass we kissed it was so easy when it didn’t mean anything. But now that it meant something we couldn’t. We never talked about it, but part of it I think was we wanted to share it only between the two of us. Our last kiss was so very public. After two fail attempts on Matt’s part, both interrupted and the moment ruined he had just given up it would happen when it happened. I wanted to desperately to kiss him that first kiss was one of the best I ever had. Now that we were dating it could only get better. We were sitting in my driveway commiserating how silly it was that we just couldn’t manage to kiss. I made up my mind right then and there I would not let him leave without a kiss.
Now you can make up you’re mind all you want, but you can not make you body do it. I had never known paralyzing fear before or since then. I slowly moved in for the kiss, slowly is too light of a term, to describe how painfully slow I was moving. Poor Matthew just sitting there waiting for me to make my move. I chickened out and aimed for his Cheek. But there was no way in hell he was going to let this slip through his hands again. He turned to kiss me before I had a chance to pull away. Thank good for him being brave or frustrated, or just a horny teenage boy. Or who knows how long it might have gone on like that. Of course it was wonderful, how could it be anything else. It was gentle and pure and filled with all the emotions that had been building for so long. There was so much behind that kiss. Every time he kisses me I feel the same way. Do you know how rare that is, to be with some one 16 years and still feel so overwhelmed by a simple kiss. What we had, what we have now is one of the deepest purest loves I have ever known.
We spent most of or time in peace, enjoying our time together falling in love. Everyone had gotten use to us as a couple. I had finally allowed myself to let go of my fear and just let things happen. I wasn’t prepared for how fast I fell in love with him, once I let go. I was hopelessly and completely in love with him. Telling him how I felt didn’t go exactly as I had hope. Matthew wasn’t ready to hear it, and wasn’t ready to say it. This was very telling about the nature of our relationship. While I was very upset, and embarrassed, I even cried a little. I accepted it for what it was. I didn’t get mad I didn’t walk away. I told him while I was upset, I’d rather him say it when he was ready and truly felt the same for me and I meant it. I respected him for his honesty and grew to love him even more for it. It wasn’t long after that that he told me he loved me as well. He just needed to do it on his own time when he was ready. The words I love you are very powerful and he and I never wanted it to become that thing you just said out of reflex. I don’t need to hear it from him to know how he feels. He shows me every day in his own way how much he really does love me. What had begin nearly four years earlier had come full circle. I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Matthew often laments that he wished he had tried to date me earlier then that. I am not sure that we would be together today if we had dated earlier. We could what if it to death and we have. Things happen the way they are meant to, so that we end up where we need to be. Fate did what it needed to ensure this would last, and there were many times since then we should have been over and done with. But some how we manage to work though and are still very much in love as we were back then.

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