complications

I find it hard to express what happen next. This was new and powerful and it was very scary for me. I didn’t want to get hurt; I didn’t want to hurt him. Risking the friendship we had spent years to build on a romance that might not work, it didn’t sit well with me. But boy I couldn’t help falling for him and falling so hard. With him I was so happy and so free for the first time in a very long time. He accepted me for just as I was and asked nothing in return. There were not expectations and no grand scheme, just us falling in love.
Unfortunately when you live in a small town, everyone knows everything. Everyone’s lives intersect. There was his world and my world and the one we shared between the two of us. As much as we were happy and excited, we couldn’t escape the fact that us being together would come at a price. Nothing worth so much was ever easy and this was very true for us as well. I think in the beginning we hide because we didn’t want to share this wonderful thing we had. We didn’t want it marred by the harsh reality of the real world. We were scared of what others would think. We knew that we had done nothing wrong but others wouldn’t see it that way. With time eventually we settled into a relationship and got use to others seeing us as a couple. People were talking. Were we together, were we not. What exactly was going on with us? Our names were on far to many lips. Some time in late June we had been invited to the movies with our larger group of friends to include friends he shared with my ex. It was one of the very first times we had been in public as a couple. There were funny looks and glances exchanged between people. As much as it was new to us, it was a shock to others to see us this way. Finally some one just asked us, what the deal was, were we dating or not. It was the first time we hadn’t actively concealed our relationship around others. We snuggled close to each other I looked up to him and smiled. He never really asked me I said so I don’t know. He smirked asking me just to be silly, so it was clear now, we were dating.
Happiness would come at a price, and we would pay dearly. Most were happy for us, because we were happy and content. It had been a long time, since either one of us had felt that way. And those that really cared for us were generally pleased we had found each other. But the problem with ex’s especially when things don’t work out they love to play the victim, and make you look like a horrible person. And I am sure he had been working on that from the moment he figured out there was something between us. He wanted to cover his own ass for all the horrible things he put me thru. Those people who were still close with him made it known and in quick order how much they disapproved. Like some ass backwards intervention they invited him out some where, without me, and proceeded to tell him how they felt. I was heart broken when Matthew told me. Both of us knowing exactly what was about to happen. It showed how little they thought of him and of me in turn. He wasn’t some poor thing that had been blinded by me. But to hear them tell it I was some vile creature that was using him to get back at Trevor. I was going to hurt him; I was going to leave him for one of the other boys in our group of friends. I was bad news and he should stay away. He tried his dammest to explain that things were not the way Trevor had made them out to be. If anyone knew the truth it was Matthew, he had been there the whole time and seen it all. And I can’t exactly blame them for feeling the way they did about me. Trevor if for nothing else had a sliver tongue and could make anyone believe anything they want. He wasn’t always like this; there was something, some kind of switch that flipped in his head to make him this way. There was darkness in him. I had tried to defend myself once or twice but there was no reason to when they weren’t listening. So now I became the person who came between him and them. His stead fast refusal to listen to anything they had to say drove a wedge between him and them. The worst part about it all was Trevor used them to get me back. Which leads me to wonder what the hell would of happen if he had succeeded after he had vilified me so. Trevor didn’t know that I knew what he had said and he’d still tried to be in our world. He didn’t want me but my god he was determined to make sure I couldn’t have what I want. As the “intervention blew over” people generally accepted it for what is was. No one was going to be able to talk us out of dating. And we thought stupidly that Trevor was one of them, or maybe wishful thinking. Everyone was getting use to the new normal. But Trevor wasn’t done trying to break us apart. And god I wish now we would have just tried to not be the bigger people, and just written him off. But we’re good people and nice people and willing to do anything to help out a friend. On the day of his college graduation he had a massive blow out with his parents about god knows what. But the end result was that not only where they no longer throwing him a party but wouldn’t attend his college graduation. He was hurting and reached out to us. And we went into action to make sure he had the support he needed even if it wasn’t from his own family. God now I feel so stupid for even attempting to do the right thing. Matt’s mother went about getting things ready to have a make shift party and Matt went about gathering people to come over. I went with him to his graduation to give him some support. In the car he started to go on about how sorry he was for everything he put me thru, and now he saw how very happy Matthew and I were together. How he still wanted to be a part of our life. And I almost felt sorry for him; I almost believed he was sincere. Then Peal Jam’s black came over the radio. And Trev turns to me and tells me that it was how he felt about me, and that I should listen to it. So I listened and the longer the song went on the more my blood began to boil. It’s hard when some one puts a mirror up to your face and show’s you exactly what they think of you. I was a thing to him; I was to be molded into what ever he wanted me to be. And it wasn’t like he was morning the fact we broke up, he was morning the fact he would never have that control over me again. That he thought I was who I was because of his hand. I bit my tongue. It wasn’t the time or place to get into it. And Frankly I didn’t care to. What was there to say? He didn’t deserve any reaction from me, and I wasn’t going to give it. I still can’t listen to that song without getting angry.
We all did our best to celebrate his graduation. And he learned very quickly that night that he was no longer the center of my world, and to say he didn’t like it very much was an understatement. I had barley talked to him since I blew up at him for trying to give Matthew permission to date me. Why in the world would he think I even gave him a passing thought these days? But there he was and there we were. And some how he believed we owed it to him to pretend like we weren’t together for his sake. But by the end of the night we were being accused of not being sensitive to his feelings and “flaunting” our relationship. That’s pretty fucking hard to do when you hadn’t even kissed the person you were in a relationship with. I had enough I snapped. Rage filled my whole body and I just let him have it. In front of everyone called him on every dammed thing he ever did to me, and how he turned David and Christoph against me. There was no way in hell he was going to interfere in our relationship any more. I didn’t really cared if he listened but I needed to say it. He was going to understand, Matthew and I were not just some passing thing. He needed to get his head out of his ass and see that this was real and it wasn’t going away any time soon. Even if it did I would never ever date him again. I would no longer be made to feel as if I did something wrong, I would no longer sit there and try to make the best of things for everyone else’s sake. Matthew and I found each other for a reason and I wasn’t letting go of him. All of bullshit he put us through only made us stronger and pulled us closer together. As much as I wish I hadn’t let him interfere as much as he did. It just showed me how very important Matthew was to me. How important it was that we did this right, and didn’t rush things. It seems silly to spend so much time to focus on this because after all this is a story about Matthew and I. But it’s important at least to me to show the repercussions and realities we dealt with when our relationship was so very new. When doing the right thing, isn’t always the right thing to do. And some times to have what you want you might have to give up nearly everything to have that.

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